Good Thai Girls vs Bad Thai Girls – How Can I Tell if She’s a Bargirl?
To the best of my knowledge, my Thai girlfriend is employed in the finance/accounting area of a small 30-employee Bangkok business. I really have no reason to doubt her, and I naturally take her at her word. It has of course crossed my mind that bar-girls looking for a foreign marriage via an internet profile probably do not disclose their true occupational experience! I will not disrespect the world’s oldest and most pleasant profession, however I really don’t want to marry a former sex-worker. I enjoyed your tips about ladyboy detection, that was a real scream. Do you have any bar-girl detection techniques to share?
Answer: These are not entirely mine, I’ve gotten inspiration for some of them by reading and hearing other experiences. And by no means are these 100% spot on, just like everywhere in the world there are exceptions to rules, but they are good indicators, especially if your Thai girlfriend meets more than 2.
Keep in mind too that for many of the younger Thai urban girls these rules do not necessarily apply. Things are a bit different in Bangkok than they are out in rural Thailand or even in other Thai cities. The younger generation of Thai’s are moving away from traditional Thai values rapidly. What was true 5 or 10 years ago doesn’t necessarily apply any longer, especially when considering the university educated middle class or hi-so Thai’s.
Take these warnings as what they are, just warnings to keep your eyes open. Your Thai girl may be a good girl or she may be a bad girl, it’s often hard to tell these days as the lines have become a bit blurred.
- She is very familiar with one of the pay-for-play areas in Thailand. If she is able to give you an in depth tour of Patpong, Nana Plaza or Pattaya, especially the tourist bar scene then she most likely was or is a bargirl.
- She wears a lot of makeup. In Thailand the good girls don’t wear makeup very much. This too is changing, but even those that do wear make up wear very little, mostly just some cover-up to make them look whiter and MAYBE some blush. Heavy eyeliner or eyeshadow is definitely in the realm of bargirls. If your Thai girl is in the fashion industry this may differ, but in general Thai girls don’t wear much makeup.
- She isn’t shy about kissing, holding hands or touching in public. Good Thai girls do not kiss or touch in public. Again, this is slowly changing in Bangkok and if you’ve been together awhile she will be less reluctant, but the fact is that Thai’s do not generally show affection in public. If your Thai girlfriend regularly pats your ass in public she may have been a bargirl.
- She has had a baby, but the baby is not with her. A large percentage of girls that work in the pay-for-play industry have had children that they’ve left with their mothers, aunts or other relatives – so they can work unencumbered. This is generally more true for younger Thai girls. Older girls may have kids at home with mom because they were previously married and the Thai guy left them high and dry. This is a fairly common occurrence and one reason Thai women are starting to look to guys from the west for marriage. Western males are much more likely to stay in a monogamous relationship than Thai guys. Still, Thai women love their kids as much as anyone so if there are kids and they are not with the mom there is a reason and that reason might be because the mom is a bargirl.
- Your girl isn’t a virgin. This is a pretty good clue actually. In Thai society – a girl that is not a virgin gets no dowry and probably gets no decent husband either. A girl that loses her virginity had better marry the guy. If she does not – then she is spoiled goods and the Thai guys won’t marry her. They will almost NEVER marry a girl that has been married and has a child. They have a severe loss of face for this – to be raising someone else’s child. There are exceptions – but, I’d say this is a BIG CLUE.
- If all she seems to care about is money, especially your money, then she very well might be a bargirl. Good Thai girls will not talk about money, it’s not something they are typically obsessed with. The girls that are obsessed by it will do whatever they can to get more. How does your typical Thai with no university education or skills do to get more money? Even if they are not outright bargirls there are girls who will go out with guys to dinner or a movie, or maybe right back to their rooms simply to get an extra 1000 baht for a new cellphone or clothes or whatever it is she feels that she needs. As I’ve said before, a girl can live in Bangkok quite easily on 10,000 baht a month and many do. Those who aren’t happy living that lifestyle will do whatever they have to to get more money and often that includes the bargirl life.
- If she has friends in Pattaya, Patpong or Nana Plaza and she’s keeping in close contact with them – she is or was or may turn out to be a bargirl if the relationship with you doesn’t work.
- If she has tattoos then she may not necessarily be a bargirl, but she worked in the pay for play industry in some fashion. Maybe she was a masseuse or fishbowl girl, served drinks in a bar or even worked as a freelancer, but she was connected in some way with bargirls if she has a tattoo.
- If she has piercings beside her earrings – she was or is a bargirl. If she has her tongue pierced she was or is 100% without fail, a bargirl. If her nose or navel is pierced – not 100%, but north of 90% I’d say.
- If she goes to another place to talk on the cellphone then she is hiding something. You should be wondering what she has to hide from you. Most likely if she’s hiding something it is another man. Many of the bargirls in Thailand are married to a Thai guy or have many foreign boyfriends calling her. They get money from the boyfriends and they send their money to the Thai guys. It’s what they do for love!
- If her English is pretty good. Most Thai’s have bad English skills, even those who work in tourist areas or hotels. If your Thai girlfriend understands anything that has to do with money or a bar or restaurant situation she may be or was a bargirl. This is especially true if she makes jokes to you about “short time, love you long time, no money no honey…”. These are typical bar jokes and if she knows them she was very likely a bargirl in the past or present.
- She no longer takes care of you once you’re in a relationship with you. Bargirls will try very hard to hook you, but once you’re on the hook all she wants to do is watch TV, eat and gossip with her friends. She won’t want to cook, but will send out for food everyday. You would expect that she would view you as a godsend since you are making 5-10 times as much money as any Thai guy would and supporting her lavishly from a Thai standpoint. Instead she tries to minimize your impact on their lives. She will ask for more things all the time, going out to eat, better cell phone, bigger TV, cars, vacations, anything that others have that they want. They will never be satisfied with what they have and they will not give much back in the relationship. They are used to the bargirl lifestyle which is to sleep, eat, watch TV and make sure you can buy what everyone else have and then show off what you have.
- You’re married and she has a separate bank account. A bargirl will use this account for two purposes. First to transfer money out to a Thai boyfriend/husband and second to receive money from past customers. Some guys will continue to send money to bargirls for a very long time and of course the girls will continue to accept it as long as it’s being sent.
- If she is not reachable by phone sometimes – she is up to something. She may not be a bargirl, but something is seriously wrong with that picture. A cell phone is a Thai girls link to the world and everyone she knows and they can and will answer it even when riding 50 mph on the back of a motorcycle. If your Thai girlfriends frequently doesn’t answer her phone when you call there’s something going on she doesn’t want you to know about.
As I said, these aren’t hard and fast rules, but are more like warning signs. Keep your eyes open and use your common sense.
If you’re reading this and you’ve had some experience with Thai bargirls or Thai good girls then maybe you can add some more to what I’ve written. Are there other warning signs I’ve missed? Leave a comment and let us know.
I could only find a fault and am pointing it out, ‘no money no honey’ is widely known amongst educated Asians as they do read! My friend in HK, a girl that finds it almost impossible to bother with men and coddled to death by her well off parents always uses that phrase to lighten mood!
So dependent on the girl, no money no honey usage does not really shout bar girls. Anyways bar girls look different from well off Thais.
On a side note, do these guys realise that these bar girls are completely not mainstream Thais?
One advise to all you men out there.. When you think you got a GF and out for a nite…give her some money so she can feel powerful. Also then ask her to pay for small things.. That will make her feel in control, we all need to feel that sometimes.. Believe me this act of your will be appreciated and you will get returns many fold, with cherry on top..if you know what I mean..let me know how you all feel?
The brazilliam girls are better of course!
LOL
I’m not a bar girls, but I live in Pattaya and have many friends here.
Furthermore my English is pretty better than another Thais.
And I also know “No Money No honey” too
I am from BKK and move here for study Culinary Arts.
My college has just established in Pattaya
So it’s normally to meet the good English student who know anything about hospitality and restaurant industry in here lol
That’s best way to screen Thai women is “Speaking English to her”
80% of educated women in Pattaya can speak English very well
They have the better accent than the bar girls.
Actually other ways to look for the good Thai women is “try asking for help her finace”
If she is a bar girl, she will immediately say yes.
If not so, she is gonna refuse to your help
Like me, my American BF asked me for pay my tuitions around 1,700 US Dollar every semesters.
And of cause I said NO because that’s not his business to help me.
Then I have just known from his that he asked me cause he just wanted to know am I a bar girl.
If so, I’ll accept his help
I recently am fortunate enough to have met a very nice Thai woman. She passes all of your criteria. I will add one other thing. She will go out of her way to communicate with you at any time if she really likes you. Although you touched on that somewhat, I will reiterate. She has a college degree. She spends time with gay males and that’s all and I have met them all. they are very sweet men and very different from American gay men. She would allow flirting by many men on facebook to an extent before we were dating. Once we were in a relationship, if they say something to physically inspire her, she will not hit the like button nor comment back. She is fully dedicated and has fallen in love with me. It was an accident that we found each other. We were both members of a music group in facebook and just chatted. I believe like many Thai women, she was looking for a western man. Now that she has found someone, she is in love strongly. She is the absolute sweetest woman I have ever met and I could never even say a mean thing to her without hating myself, so I never will. She will go to lengths to pay for things, but she has a good job in thai standards. She has a degree. She may have had sex with only one other man but I never asked her. She really doesn’t know what she is doing in the bedroom but is willing to try because of love. The smiles of her and her family rip my heart right out of my body and is very infectious… a siren perhaps in her own right. haha. She is now trying hard to learn English for me and I expect we will marry. I have been with a number of women and slept with her three times and decided she is for me. She has never said anything mean but she will do silly cute little things and makes the most cutest expressions on her face when I tease her or play. I can say if you are really not sure if she is a bar girl, ask her. Good Thai women are very shy. Try to get her to do something on camera or skype. If she doesn’t or you have to work very hard to get her to do it, she is probably not. If she wants the lights out, then she is probably not. She will laugh a lot while texting but that usually means she doesn’t understand what I am saying. I think the most important difference in a bar girl, having seen videos, is how aggressive they are. If she is aggressive in her material wants and her desires, probably a problem. She says thank you very often and will apologize in a second or say oops. If she thinks you think she made a mistake, she will condemn herself. Important, don’t let her feel bad about herself at all for she is innocent and sweet and has not a mean bone in her body. If you told her another girl liked you, she would cry and probably let you go out of politeness. A bargirl would fight. she will probably introduce the word ja to you which is said only by lovers. Ka is normally used. She will rarely finish a sentence without ja or ka even in English to treat you politely. She wants to cook for you and will tell you she puts love in her cooking. She will think about you alot and will want to be with you a lot. I think of her somewhat like a puppy. Full of love. Full of play. Loyal, dedicated. All of her friends may call you Khun John or Mr. John if your name is John. That is the same as us calling by Mr. Smith or more like saying sir. Now, with facebook, she will likely have lots of fb friends. Hundreds because she is too polite to eliminate. She likely won’t have security and no need to make friends. You will see her pics with her friends and you will see the sweetness in her friends eyes.
your description has brought tears to my eyes. your lady is exceptional. cherish her always
You both are really lucky.
Useful reading, all of this. I have just met my (first) Thai partner (woman) and, just as I would have been with any Western girl/ woman, I’m in the process of getting to know her. She, too, is in the process of getting to know me, so we both have some ways to go. While we’re at this, we are enjoying each other’s company.
When I read the ‘guidelines’ and various experiences in this blog, it sometimes make me want to stop ‘while the going is good’, but I have also come across comments from guys that represent views which would get them in trouble with any girl, any where, any time!
I’m 60+, my friend is 32 and – yes – I met her in a bar! After 5 days we had our first ‘date’. What impressed me about her was not so much the looks, although they are 100% to my taste, but the way she carries herself and how she works. She’s the assistant of the ‘boss lady’ in a relatively small bar and, when my friend is at work, the bar runs as smooth as silk with 100% order everywhere. Even the other girls seem happier when she’s there. She’s the epitome of efficiency and knows what she wants!
For the coming months, I’ll be returning to this blog in order to learn and to share experiences. I’m going into this with open eyes. At 63 you dont meet many virgins anymore (I didn’t when I was 18 either, funnily enough!) I do not believe in love, on the other side of that coin you frequently find only disappointment and hate, so mutual respect, some fun times and a bit of quality-of-life is all I’m looking for. So far, we’re good.
As to asking for money? – she never does and do not have to! – I am well aware of her situation and where I can help, I do. When we’re together, I make sure she always has some money at hand and she takes great pleasure in ‘paying her own way’ as well as buying me little presents or taking me out for a meal. This is no more/ no less than what I had with my wife for years! – a pretty normal situation if you ask me.
I’ll return when I have more to tell, well meant advises are appreciated with thanks but please do not nourish
doubts by your own disappointments; – think positive, it is all about ‘now’.
great lists all true, heed the signs!
Hi ‘Thai Guy’,
Just thought I’d let you know that all is well. My friend is here in Europe with me right now, we’re enjoying the sights and I’m getting to see Europe with completely different eyes. Who’s teaching who? – I don’t know for sure; – my friend is getting to see a new (and dying?) culture while I’m learning to appreciate the simpler things in life. Of couse I heed the signs, but while doing so I’m also careful about not getting schizo. I’ve met only one European woman in my whole life that I could trust 100% ……… she was my wife for 17 years. I feel quite hopeful that I have found a new partner now; – not one to fill my wife’s shoes, but one to allow me to try one new shoes (perhaps more comfortable and at the same time less expensive)
Take care – Rik