Thailand Driving License: The REAL Road Rules finally available!
by Stu Lloyd www.thailandjingjing.blogspot.com
It is hoped that this definitive list will be soon be adopted as the official driving code of Thailand, in the absence of any other such known publication, so that all drivers on the road will act in strict accordance with it.
# 1. The Mercedes Benz always has right of way.
#2. The more wheels you have, the more right of way you have. (Except when Rule #1 applies.)
#3. Anything with two wheels or less does not count as a vehicle and should be disregarded completely. Even if it’s a 1800 cc Harley Davidson the size of the average Thai house.
#4. If you need to turn off, then turn off. If that means a right-angled swerve across three lanes on two wheels so you don’t miss your turn, please go ahead. We’ll just fit in with your plan. No need to indicate your intention.
#5. If in the process of executing that turn, you cause three motorcyclists and a tuk tuk to end up in the ditch, add 5 points.
#6. Indicators should only be used in the following fashion. If someone is behind you and wanting to overtake, put on your right indicator. This means either a/ it is clear and safe to overtake now or b/ don’t overtake now a bus is coming over the blind rise at a speed approaching 130km/h. It will soon become apparent which meaning was intended.
#7. Do have as many Buddhist amulets on the dashboard as possible. If you’re involved in a fatal accident, never mind — there’s always another life, and another …
#8. Traffic jams can be frustrating, so, as soon as you get any open space at all, get your vehicle to its highest possible top speed. As a guideline the rpm counter should be kept in the red zone in event of any open road.
#9. When joining a busy main road from a small side soi, proceed directly into the intersection without stopping – or even pausing – for other traffic. This selfishly indulgent act of stopping and checking will only cause confusion for those behind you, with the possible result of them rear-ending you.
#10. When on a motorcycle, do not wear a helmet, and ride as fast as the bike will possibly go while using cars, buses, elephants, and chickens as slalom course markers. Irrespective of traffic conditions, possible dangers lurking around the corner, and pedestrians foolishly crossing the road at a marked pedestrian crossing, maintain this speed (once again, the red zone on your rpm gauge is a reliable indicator). After all, in the event of some other idiot doing the wrong thing, you want to be killed outright, not maimed.
#11. On the subject of pedestrian crossings, these are known to farangs as ‘zebra crossings’. There are no zebras in Thailand. Ignore. Proceed as usual.
#12. Do not wear a seat-belt. This will delay you when you stop at 7-11 to buy more beer for the drive, resulting in late arrival for the party. This is not acceptable to your thirsty friends.
#13. In the event you become completely, utterly, motherlessly drunk when drinking with your friends do not — repeat: DO NOT! — leave your vehicle there and attempt to walk home. In your drunken state you might be tempted to actually use a pedestrian crossing on foot, without observing the golden rule of crossing any road in Thailand: look Right, look Left, look Up then look Down before you cross. The buggers will get you from anywhere!
#14. Red lights. This is merely an optical illusion – all traffic lights in Thailand consist of three different shades of green. What you think is red is actually just dark green. Proceed as usual.
Stu Lloyd is a Chiang Mai based travel writer, author of the best-selling HARDSHIP POSTING series. He blogs at THAILAND JING JING. See www.thailandjingjing.blogspot.com
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Great stuff, Stu (Steve). Absolutely 100% true. It’s refreshing to find others who’ve tried to find ways to get a laugh out of this. The traffic situation here is infuriating, and laughing at the ridiculousness of it is about the only way I can cope some days. When I can’t stand it anymore I try to laugh if off, but I don’t think I’ll ever be comfortable with Thais and their driving. I bought a brand-new pickup and thought it would be great, but it was a huge letdown. It was the absolute most stressful driving environment I’ve ever been in, not fun at all. You can’t take ANYTHING for granted, except maybe that — that nothing is certain. I’ve been in West Africa and while the crowding and lack of right of way was just as bad, at least they didn’t drive on the wrong side of the road on top of everything else. (That’s a huge pet peeve of mine.) I think the whole issue just comes down to favoring the gas over the brake pedal. That, and maybe the fear of people behind you getting pissed off at having to learn how to use their brake pedals as well.
Funny stuff here. How about, reversing at full speed down the road because you just missed your turn 1/2 kilometer back up the road. Or that parking space marked with the international handicap symbol is for motorbikes only.
The first comment the Dear Bride made, when we arrived USA. Everybody here drives so good. She does also, though I’ve noticed since return Isan, her foot has gotten a little heavier.
My very favorite experience: Neighbor found a neighborhood Thai teenager on a Sunday morning sleeping next to his motorbike in his driveway. He asked the teenager why. The teen said he had drunk too much, so he drove his motorbike home and when he got home found he was too drunk to walk to his doorstep. So he just passed out next to the bike. OMG! Too drunk to walk but ok to drive…a motorbike!!! True experience.
another thai traffic law…..if you want to stop to buy something at shop, pick up kids etc please park in the middle of the road rather than cluttering up the empty kerbside spaces 30 metres down the road.
Perhaps if they had a driving test that involved an actual road, not just an obstacle course, that might improve things. On the other hand, it wouldn’t make any difference, as examiners routinely ask for “insurance payments” to guarentee you pass (1500 Baht).
Realistically only 25% of Thai people would be capable of passing a Western driving examination. Therefore, in order to allow people to drive, they have to make a test for dummies. Perhaps this is why the tax on cars is so high, as they are more dangerous to Thais than lowly taxed cigarettes!
Be careful insulting Thai’s about their driving- perhaps there’s a Lese Majeste law on that. Delete all postings!
Have lived (and driven) here for almost 5 years now and have kind of become accustomed to pre-empting the next move. Recently a friend of mine emailed me as she and her husband were about to make their first visit to Thailand and were planning on hiring a car whilst here. She wanted to know if Thais drive on the left same as back home in the UK, or on the right. Quietly I thought to myslef, “whichever side saves them most petrol!” then proceeded to email her back letting her know “no need to hire a car, public transport here is great”. Thankfully they took my advice, had a fantastic holiday, and made it back home in one piece – albeit a little shell shocked just how quickly minivans/rot dtu can actually travel
#20. everybody wants to kill you, so look in front , behind , on you right, on your left , above and under you at all times.
16. The Hazzard lights are used for the following messages in thailand-
(a) “I am going to park so Stay quiet and keep waiting till the car about to leave leaves and then I can park.”
(b) “The light is on so Be prepared for anything – I can go which ever direction I want, I can go as slow as I want to, I can stop by 7/11 to buy some beer or cigarette (normally when the 7/11 is just beside a 2 lane road)
(c) “I am neither going right nor Left – I am going Straight.
(d) “I know its Raining but i need to Go Fast…. ”
As all these causes HAZZARD, thus the name “Hazzard Lights”
17. The divider is not to divide the roads, it is a place to stay when you havent decided to go right or left. You can stay at this region as long as you want.
18. When you see an Accident, DO NOT Panic and no need to be careful Please inspect the accident carefully and enjoy while you pass by and do not panic if you hit another car while looking at other accidents.
19. Time is money so please try to save 1/5th of a second and try to overtake someone even if there is no space ahead. Do not leave space for others as this might delay your arrival by 5 seconds.
That is great, I am going for my drivers license next week and I was really nervous.. Not now, now I know the rules. Thanks a lot!!!
THIS IS SO SO FUNNY BUT SO SO TRUE..AND OF COURSE SO SO SAD..
IF I EVER MENTION HOW BAD DRIVING IS HERE.. THAI PEOPLE LOOK AT ME AS THOUGH I HAVE TWO HEADS.. …
TO THEM THIS IS THE NORM… ???
SCAREY OR WHAT.
May I suggest a 15th. rule?
Ramps on are not for the benefit of the disabled on wheel-chairs. Access ramps on sidewalks are for the benefit of motorcycles. Bangkok is the pioneer in this concept worldwide.
I have driven all over Europe, the US, Canada, Mexico, Caribbean Islands and now all across Thailand for 2 years.
I can now say unequivocally that Thailand has THE ABSOLUTE WORST DRIVERS IN THE WORLD BAR NONE.
It is the easiest judgement call I have ever made.
A majority… Except my wife who is very calm and passive behind the wheel. The only time I see her angry about anything is with other drivers who you describe.
Silly people: Thailand does not by any means have the worst drivers in the world. Maybe compared to parts of Europe and other developed nations. But try driving in Nepal, India, or Hong Kong (which I have) or I would guess, most of Africa and the Middle East (which I have not), and you’d might actually compliment Thai drivers for their sanity (note that I did not say safety). Might.
i have had 5 accidents in 3 years on my motorcycle…. in 50 years in the states, and I ride there alot when i lived there, none..i have seen 1 dead body on the road in america… Here, I stopped counting after 50…say what u want..Drive, walk, jog.. at your own Peril…R.I.P.
You must have missed Saigon now Ho Chi Minh City? rhetorical
lol so true. I never saw more courageous people in my life than motorcycle drivers here
At last, we have expert and sensible advice for all who venture out on Thailand’s highways and byways. Do you have any specific tips on how to avoid obstacles like armoured tanks, stray Oz-style road trains and the occasional aircraft forced to land in the fast lane? Thanks.